An Unapologetically Leftist Guide to the California Ballot Propositions

If you’re not a self-described leftist, liberal, progressive, or other such animal, then just pass on over this and vote any way you want. This is not subject to debate, and I’m not interested in any opposing viewpoints. This is for my like-minded comrades who want to vote their principles, but may not have had the time and/or wherewithal to do their own investigation. For further explanation of some of the more important ballot measures, scroll down. 

19 – YES

20 – YES, please.

21 – YES

22 – YES

23 – HELL NO!

24 – YES

25 – HELL YES!

26 – HELL NO!

27 – NO and NO

Proposition 19 legalizes marijuana under California but not federal law. Local governments will be able to tax and regulate its commercial production, distribution, and sale. Guys. Look. I don’t even smoke. I’ve eaten the occasional brownie and that’s about all I can take, so I don’t have any vested personal interest in this. But all this locking up kids and grown-ups over something much less lethal than alcohol or tobacco is just plain ridiculous, and it’s led to a COLOSSAL waste of money. Most of the people I know who smoke do it responsibly, just the way it’s possible to drink responsibly. It’s time we grew up and led the way toward decriminalization. Make 18 the legal age like cigarettes, and encourage kids through education to stay away from harmful substances, and STOP TELLING PEOPLE IT’S A GATEWAY DRUG, ‘CAUSE IT AIN’T.

Propositions 20 and 27 are two sides of the same coin. What it comes down to is: Who benefits? Recently, there was a state redistricting commission authorized to choose a 14 member independent panel to take charge of drawing California’s district lines. Of course, politicians (especially the drastically outnumbered Republicans) would love to keep gerrymandering the shit out of everything, so they stand to lose if 20 is passed (which would remove the politicians from the process) and 27 isn’t passed (which would eliminate the panel). I recently listened to a radio program that was discussing the history of this panel, and how great care was being taken to narrow down the list of people on it and make sure they reflect the diversity of our population. After almost two years, they’re almost done. Let’s let them finish so we can have some change up in here.

Proposition 23 is funded by oil billionaires from Texas who don’t even live here, and it’s passage would suspend our air pollution control law (AB 32) until unemployment drops to 5.5 percent. YEAH FRIGGIN’ RIGHT. As a native Texan, I would like to say from the bottom of my heart and with all sincerity, EFF THOSE DUDES. I truly hope no one is falling for their ads all over the place, and we need to make sure people understand that this proposition is utter bullshit. NO ON 23!

Propositions 25 and 26 are also two sides of the same coin. Here’s why we can never get anything done, and our budgets are always being held up until several months after the end of every fiscal year: we have to have a two-thirds vote in the legislature to move forward on ANYTHING. The vast majority of the other states rule by simple majority, but noooooooo!! Not here in the Sunshine State! So what this means, of course, is that the outnumbered Republicans get to hold EVERYTHING up and pout and fuss until they get their way. And they don’t even represent the majority of the state! Prop. 25 would get rid of this two-thirds bullshit and establish a simple majority for passing legislation, but would retain two-thirds vote for new taxes. Which is fine, I suppose. Prop. 26 would “require that certain state and local fees be approved by two-thirds vote.” I say vote NO on this one because it’s just way too vague. In the official ballot, it says that “Fees include those that address adverse impacts on society or the environment caused by the fee-payer’s business.” My 8th grade English teacher always said “SHOW SPECIFICITY!” We’re gonna need a separate proposition just to determine what “adverse impacts on society…” would even be.

You’re welcome. And don’t ever let me find out that you voted for Meg Whitman – my mockery of you will be relentless, whether you’re my best friend or someone I find mildly annoying. And to my fellow Texans on November 2nd: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, STOP VOTING FOR RICK PERRY!!! Sheesh!!


  1. Dude. I can't even stand his commercials. I kinda like the other guy since he is from Houston but all the candidates suck balls. I am just going for the lesser evil one.

  2. Girl. Don't even get me started. I was in Dallas for a week for the fair, and every time I saw his mug on tv I wanted to throw something. What an ass.