The Most Excellent Humiliation That Ever Could Have Happened to Me

I had a catering gig last month for a staffing company I work for intermittently.  It was a commemoration of the 100th year that the Los Angeles Country Club has been at its current location.  I was bartending that evening.  I arrived to work early because that’s how I get down, checked in, was shown my bar, and I started setting up.  There was a stack of boxes that I needed to empty filled with liquors, wines, and sodas to stock the bar with.  I squatted down after a few minutes of working to get a six-pack of Diet 7-Ups (EW!).  The seat of my pants split up the back, from the crotch all the way to heaven above.  I was wearing big white panties.

I gasped with surprise.  I spent approximately seven seconds in disbelief and shock.  I cussed like an old man on meth straight from one of Stephen King’s old novels set in Maine.  I held my ass and looked for someone who could help me.  I found a girl about my age who was a full-time employee for the club, and after she laughed her ass off, she showed me to a room where they kept needle and thread.  I retired to the ladies’ locker room, took off my pants, and thought about how much progress I’ve made over the years with the sewing machine but had never learned how to sew by hand.

After a few minutes of ignorance and ass-foolery on my part with the needle and thread, a woman walked in and gave me a puzzled look.  I laughed and explained to her what happened.  Well, must have God liked me that day because it turned out that she was ten minutes early for her call time and was quite adept at sewing by hand and was more than willing to help me.  I watched closely as she threaded the needle and started sewing the seam.  I had never really seen stitching like the way she had done it, so I made mental notes for, you know, just in case in the future.  She sewed it up really well, and it hasn’t busted since.

Why was this humiliation so wonderful?  Because.  There’s a sculpture project I’ve been working on since December, and I got stalled back in February.  Today was the first time since then I’ve even gone to my art studio aside from making rent payments.  I submitted for an art show that it looks like I’ll be participating in come the end of July, and I decided to get my ass back there and tough out this snag – maybe I could come up with a work-around.  As soon as I picked up the thread and needle, last month’s superhappyfuntime100% came back to my memory, and so did the nice lady’s methodology, so I tried it out.  AND IT WORKED!




My Kind of House

…helps keep those stabby feelings at bay


Stop The Presses!

from AVclub.com

David Lynch creating real-life Club Silencio in Paris

By Sean O'Neal June 15, 2011

As part of David Lynch’s interest in doing everything besides make another movie, the budding musician and entrepreneur has announced plans to build the Parisian nightclub Club Silencio, modeled after the location of the same name in his 2001 film Mulholland Drive. Lynch is personally designing the furniture and otherwise sculpting the interior of the “1920s-like Parisian salon,” which include a concert hall, restaurant, library, and cinema—all reserved for an exceedingly exclusive clientele composed of an “international who’s who of artistic professionals.” Reportedly, only members will be allowed to attend nightly events at such as movie premieres, concerts, and literary conferences before Club Silencio opens its doors at midnight to a non-member, but still very elite and carefully selected crowd.

And naturally, the connection to the film invites some obvious questions: Will it feature tape recordings in place of bands? An unusually angry emcee? A blue-haired doyenne who sits ominously in the balcony? A nightly tear-jerking performance from Rebekah Del Rio? Will there be discounts for women who have just had their first exploratory lesbian commingling? Is it in fact a living metaphor for the manipulated illusions of filmmaking itself? That’s yet to be determined, but we doknow it serves finger foods until 6 a.m.

Do you know what this means?  It means I’ve got to rustle up some connections!!!  I’m going to Europe in September for 14 days with plans to visit the Venice Biennale for about 5 days, shopping in Paris for two days (I’ve got to stock up on Cote D’or, Passoa, and get something from The Kooples), and spend the rest of my time ambling around Berlin.  Looks like trying to bonafide my way into this venue is added to my Paris itinerary.





Aural Pleasure II

1.  I’m finally getting toned:  it turns out my problem was lack of complete protein in my body.  If you live in LA, go to the GNC at the shopping plaza on Overland and Venice.  I forgot that dude’s name who helped me but he knows what the hell he’s talking about.

2.  Started a modern dance class – highlight of each week.  Started the commercial acting class my agency wants me to take – squirm city, can’t wait for it to be over, and I BETTER book some damn work when this is through!

3.  Currently working on getting an additional agent.  I should be doing beauty editorials and MAGIC Tradeshow.  I feel really underused right now, and my savings will run out pretty soon and I’ll lose my studio if I don’t get paid soon.

4.  Started reading “Robert Smithson:  Learning from New Jersey and Elsewhere” by Ann Reynolds to kick off my personal pedagogy, and I can tell already that it’s going to be so fulfilling and such a help!  #ARTDORKALERT

5.  Looks like I’ll be participating in a group art show later this summer!  I’m getting nauseous with uncertainty and nervousness just thinking about it, but I’ll dive in headfirst anyway.

But enough about me.  What about YOU?


Gonna Make My Mommy Proud *UPDATED*

I got a phone call Monday – I was booked for a music video shooting on Thursday.  Apparently it’s for a Mr. Wiz Khalifa and someone else.  I don’t know who that is, as I’ve no television and I haven’t listened to popular radio music in three years.  I’ve seen his “name” pop up every once in a while in my Facebook feed, and after a quick Google trip, it seems he’s quite popular.  I have no personal opinions about him or his music though.  Got waxed today just in case… ya know…

Here’s hoping I don’t have to compromise my dignity tomorrow afternoon.  Not sure if I’m going to be featured or just shaking it in the background next to a pool while other rappers point at me and nod with that knowing nod that’s like, “Yeah… you know how it is… bitches be dancin’ next to the pool in heels for no damn reason whenever I come around…”

I have to go shave now.  Full report to follow on Friday, stay tuned…


OK OK, it’s three days later, so sue me. 

Long story short, I didn’t have to wear lingerie and grind against anyone with money being thrown at me.  It was actually probably the best work day I ever had, for several reasons :secret smile:.

It was actually a music video for a British rapper called Tinie Tempah from London, featuring Wiz Khalifa.  Mr. Tempah is quite a nice young man, and his friends too!  The song is called “Till I’m Gone”.  It was shot in Elysian Park and Watts by the same director who did the Smirnoff commercial I was in back in August – we have mutual friends, and he likes to use people he knows in his projects.  The weather was beautiful, the look was “muted hip-hop 90’s” (a term I coined), and the vibe was pretty cool.  I wore my fro and some shades.  I stopped listening to the radio a few years back, so I had never heard the song before, but by the end of the day it had grown on me – it’s quite nice, actually.  Whenever I find video for it, I’ll post it here.  And I hope I won’t have any reason to blush…