(See update below)
A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Perhaps they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all.
Instead of further curtailing women’s freedom, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching tv, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and It’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.
If you agree, repost it. It’s that important.
- Author Unknown
I saw this when I followed a link from Susie Bright’s blog, and I had to share it on Facebook. Say what you will about it, but it can be used effectively. Anyway, I received many positive comments with promises to repost, and then some random dude said this:
Adam you post some great stuff but this is lame.
Ex-squeeze me? For now, this guy shall remain anonymous – I don’t know him –
but if I see anything even remotely douchebag-ish from him in the future I’m putting him ON BLAST.
I shared this:
There's a movie theatre that I go to sometimes to see off the beaten track-type films. One month, a few years ago, on two separate occasions there was this guy who sat near me and would jack off while looking at me.
A friend of mine told me I shouldn't have gone to the movie theatre. HOW ABOUT THAT MAN SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN PUBLICALLY JACKING OFF INSIDE A MOVIE THEATRE WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO WATCH "I'M GONNA GET YOU SUCKA"??
Good friggin' Christ...
We spend so much time concerning ourselves with putting the responsibility of preventing sexual assault on potential victims. How about we teach everyone – men especially - that sexual assault, harassment, and abuse is NOT OK. I don’t care if it’s some Maxim tart wearing nothing but a thong and some postage stamps flinging herself at you, and then she changes her mind.
* * *
UPDATE – the guy who made the insensitive comment had the guts to send me a message apologizing. Not an “I’m sorry you were offended”, but an “I’m sorry I offended you”. So for this reason, there will be no All Points Bulletins on him. And using it as a Teachable Moment, I accepted his apology and explained why his remarks are out of line given the fact that he finds rape reprehensible.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – it’s all about dialogue, folks. I just hope he took to heart what I wrote to him. A lot of men have no idea just how many women – women that they personally care for and know – have suffered sexual harassment/assault and/or physical assault.