They Say Writing It Down Will Help

I don’t celebrate holidays.  The only reason I do Halloween parties and outfits is because that’s the only time people want to throw costume parties, it seems like.  The only reason I make any sort of deal out of New Year’s Day is because that’s when my family gets together every year for dinner in Alabama, and I love my family to pieces.  I don’t do New Year’s resolutions.  But it seems that while I’ve been away from Los Angeles, a few certainties have hit me regarding my survival over the course of the next ten months.

I don’t know for sure yet, I’ll find out tomorrow, but it looks like my unemployment is all tapped out.  If so, it’s sort of a good-bad thing.  The past year is the longest stretch of time since undergrad that I’ve had stable income to pay rent and bills – mostly from my unemployment claim - and I won’t have that anymore.  At the same time, however, I’ll finally be able to quit LAUSD.  I’ve mentioned before how tedious and frustrating it is to have my schedule tied down to a job that NEVER calls.  I’ve only worked ONE DAY so far this school year.  My sub job has been paying my unemployment since they have been unable to provide at least 25 hours a week for me.  But if I’m tapped out, then there’s no reason for me to stay.  Parting will be bittersweet – I’ve had some experiences teaching that I’ll never forget, and I’m spiritually richer for it – but since I have the full faith and backing of an model/talent agency now-

oh wait, I never wrote about that, did I?  I will…

…since I have agency representation now, I’ll be free to get up every morning and go to the gym for a good two hours and BURN OFF THESE TWENTY POUNDS I’VE MANAGED TO PUT ON OVER THE PAST YEAR!!!!  I’m telling you, it sneaks up on you man.  You gotta watch it.  And the funny thing is, I’ve been working out!  I saw my pictures from a show I did last month, and I’ll now look at them every day to remind me that I may be cute, but if I’m gonna get any work I had better stop being so self-indulgent.

So if my claim is tapped out, I’ll have to grind harder for my bread.  I’ve got to get new pictures ASAP, and the way my body photographs right now just won’t do.  I used to be a much more disciplined eater.  I don’t do diets, and when I fast/cleanse, it’s for the health of my body and not for losing weight:  I’m all about being proactive about my physical health, is all.  Just a couple years ago, I was doing much better.  It’s not just that I was much slimmer, it’s that I felt like I could fly, run, and jump off anything; and it was that I knew that I didn’t have much money but I had my happiness and health.  I fell off the wagon.  I’ve been eating much more bread, cheese, and processed food with no quarterly fasting breaks, and eating after 8pm (damn you, Europe!!).  Just because I’m vegetarian and eat better than most people doesn’t mean I can do whatever I want.  I don’t have “one of those metabolisms”.  So although I don’t do the resolution thing, I am wiping the slate clean and going back to my better habits starting tomorrow (I’m on a Delta flight right now). 

The superduperohsoswellI’msohappyyay upside to being cut off from my unemployment and therefore quitting LAUSD is I’ll now have time to work in my art studio I’m renting now!  I’ve already started work on a project that I first conceived exactly one year ago, but couldn’t really get a move on because of lack of space.  That Smirnoff commercial I did was a blessing not just in the sense that I got a nice chunk of money, but that I have been enabled to do what I’ve been purposed to do in life.  I can now afford studio rent and a few equipment purchases here and there, and I suspect that my current project will be done by the middle of the month.  I’m so excited!

So I guess the point in writing all this is now that it’s all on the intertubes, I can’t renege now.  I’m not trying to lose 20 pounds by the end of the month because that would be ridiculous.  What I’m going to do is reclaim my better habits so that I can have that flying feeling again, and the side effect will be that my bosoms won’t be bursting through my clothes anymore and this muffin top that’s trying to be born will recede, and in turn I’ll look better in my new pictures, which should result in bookings for well-paid work, which will fund not only my living expenses but my career ones too, so then I don’t have to worry about being cut off from my unemployment claim anymore.

Updates here and there, now and then, soon to follow.